I'm most comfortable in my birthday suit.
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in...
Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of...
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
If a man watches three football games in a row he should be declared legally...
I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how...
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not...
Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white?...
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to...
What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked...
Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're...
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Children make your life important.
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of...
I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during...
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain comedy and tragedy...
When humor goes there goes civilization.
Once you get a spice in your home you have it forever. Women never throw out...
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into...
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all...
God created man but I could do better.
When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I would not...
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
