I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks they are always locking three.
Quotes By Elayne Boosler
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I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people no matter how hard...
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Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television...
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The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that...
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When women are depressed they eat or go shopping. Men invade another...
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Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it direct it produce it...
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I've thought for the last decade or so the only actual place raw truth was...
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Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?
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I've never been married but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think...
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I am thankful I was born in America although if I gain any more weight the...
Quotes About Funny
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The last person they expected to connect with a screenplay was the comedic...
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But I think funny and talent will always win out I mean of course there are...
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It is funny because the guy who is my boss now Howard Stern has a...
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I have a funny family but none of them are remotely in show business.
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When we criticize in Iran the actions of the government the fundamentalists...
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So it was just funny to read a script that was just similar to what had been...
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People are funny and in the most tragic situations when comedy erupts from...
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It's funny though because when I first started going to races after we met...
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My parents are both very funny but they're also relatively soft-spoken...
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I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like and it doesn't go...