I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Quotes By Mitch Hedberg
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If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.
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Y'know you can't please all the people all the time... and last night all...
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Every time I go and shave I assume there's someone else on the planet...
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I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning...
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I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting...
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I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's...
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Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of...
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I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good and make a cart.
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The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get I'll...
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I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans because maybe...
Quotes About Dating
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The Peking man was a thinking being standing erect dating to the beginning...
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I'm a bad dater - I'm just not good at it. It's so weird dating in this town....
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I got that experience through dating dozens of men for six years after...
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I was dating a guy that was a huge wrestling fan and I'm embarrassed to say...
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I don't really talk about my personal life. It's a strange and funny and...
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I'm the one who's dating the craft-service guy instead of the producer. Plus...
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I don't talk about who I'm dating because when you break up you wind up...
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Frankly the reason I joined MENSA is because I was dating a guy at the time...
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I think a nice romantic dinner should be saved for when you and the girl...
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My original inspiration was my mom: a few years after the death of my dad...