I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me?...
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just...
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For...
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on...
Yeah I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history too.
People say that money is not the key to happiness but I always figured if...
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or...
Don't follow any advice no matter how good until you feel as deeply in your...
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over He would...
Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit the stores are...
The last person they expected to connect with a screenplay was the comedic...
But I think funny and talent will always win out I mean of course there are...
It is funny because the guy who is my boss now Howard Stern has a...
I have a funny family but none of them are remotely in show business.
When we criticize in Iran the actions of the government the fundamentalists...
So it was just funny to read a script that was just similar to what had been...
People are funny and in the most tragic situations when comedy erupts from...
It's funny though because when I first started going to races after we met...
My parents are both very funny but they're also relatively soft-spoken...
I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like and it doesn't go...