Random Quote
Experience has taught me when I am shaving of a morning to keep watch over my thoughts because if a line of poetry strays into my memory my skin bristles so that the razor ceases to act.
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Quotes By Phyllis Diller
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl...
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What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the...
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Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away...
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The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear...
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument a bank has...
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to...
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There's so little money in my bank account my scenic checks show a ghetto.
Quotes About Funny
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The last person they expected to connect with a screenplay was the comedic...
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But I think funny and talent will always win out I mean of course there are...
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It is funny because the guy who is my boss now Howard Stern has a...
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I have a funny family but none of them are remotely in show business.
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When we criticize in Iran the actions of the government the fundamentalists...
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So it was just funny to read a script that was just similar to what had been...
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People are funny and in the most tragic situations when comedy erupts from...
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It's funny though because when I first started going to races after we met...
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My parents are both very funny but they're also relatively soft-spoken...
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I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like and it doesn't go...