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I've stayed away from Twitter for a long time because I sort of didn't trust myself with such an intimate but very public way of relating to the world but I feel like I've studied it enough.

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To a teacher of languages there comes a time when the world is but a place of many words and man appears a mere talking animal not much more wonderful than a parrot.

The sight of allegedly sophisticated politicians parroting complete tripe trivialises and demeans government and it has to be stopped. It's played a significant part in public disillusionment with politics and has led to the absurd situation where more people vote for 'Strictly Come Dancing' than voted in the general election.

A real Christian is a person who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip.

The only animals I'm not comfortable with are parrots but I'm learning as I go. I'm getting better and better at 'em. I really am.

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.